Want to know The Truth About CPM?

19 May 2014

Come one, come all, to the EPM carnival

Only two things scare me

As a child of the Cold War, I share Austin Powers’ first fear all too well, but the second?  Carnies?  Really?  On the other hand, Kscope does nomadically wander from city to city.  But do we all smell bad?  Have small hands?  Hopefully at least not the middle property (I, and I believe most of ODTUG bathe on a regular basis, with soap) and I think I have pretty large hands, so that’s only one out of three.  G’wan, watch the clip.  I’m pretty sure Michael York’s look of incomprehension pops up on my face at least once a day in reaction to all kinds of interesting statements.

But not this time

No need for a look of incredulity – what I’m about to relate is dead easy to understand.  

The EPM community will be hosting an EPM (‘natch) carnival at Kscope14, Monday, 23 June 2014, from 8 till 10 pm.  Why oh why oh why would you go?  Simply because it will be about fun, networking, and help.

What is this thing you call “fun”?

For once it isn’t my current project that is driving me, in sequence, to rage, tears, and anxiety, but instead preparing for my way-too-many-OMG-why-did-I-agree-to-this Kscope presentations.  As almost always, I have no one to blame but myself.  No matter the source of your current angst, the EPM carnival will be a salve to your troubled waters (yes, I am mixing metaphors but bear with me) because it will include:
  • Bean bag toss – your favorite(?) EPM ACED’s face will be superimposed onto a clown’s mouth and you get to throw the bag in the mouth.  We certainly talk enough; perhaps this is your opportunity to shut us up?
  • Road Rally - this is a multi-player game where everyone rolls dice and if your “lane” number is rolled you advance your car (hot wheels)
  • Say Ahh - this is a put-put golf game
  • Skee Roll - smaller version of the classic skee ball game
  • Balloon Darts
  • Hoopster /Electronic Shooting – basketball
  • Ring Toss - classic coke bottle ring toss

Although I am crushed to relate that health and safety regulations preclude the ACE Director dunk tank (I have a strange feeling that this would be quite popular), you must agree that the above activities contain at least a scintilla of fun.  Those fun times are a great motive to be there, but they aren’t the only reason you, oh Kscope EPM attendee, should come to the EPM Carnival.


While the education that Kscope provides is second to none, an equally compelling reason I (and I suspect you as well) come to Kscope is to meet, if only once per year, with my peers from around the globe.  This is where the elite Oracle geeks meet and greet; the EPM Carnival gives us all a relaxed, friendly, and open way to meet people from all walks of EPM life, free from the pressures of work responsibilities.

Informal contacts can be just as valuable as the ones forged through work.  Kscope’s social events, from the Community Service Day to the big Wednesday night Special Event, are the place to forge those relationships.  Don’t ignore the Monday night EPM Carnival as another avenue to do just that.

The spirit of giving

As many of you know, Mike Riley, Kscope14 conference co-chairman and former ODTUG president is battling cancer.  Cancer is a cruel disease and Mike needs all of the help – spiritual, material, and financial – that he and his family can get.  ODTUG is Mike’s professional family, and when a member of our family needs help, we give it.

The EPM Carnival will give you an opportunity to do just that – you will be able to donate unused Carnival tickets (it’s just like going to a Grange Fair, right down to how you pay for the rides) or even purchase additional ones for Mike’s fund.  Yes, this is a naked appeal for your help.  You expected dignity from me?  You haven’t been reading my blog much, and certainly not on this subject.  

As so many of we EPM geeks are a bit, um, hopeless when it comes to examples of physical dexterity, you will be able to supplement the carnival tickets for whatever game you are playing not so well with cold hard cash to move your middling score up to the winner’s circle.  The real do-re-mi that you contribute will go towards the fund for Mike.

The EPM community owes Mike a huge professional debt because he is really the reason why EPM is part of ODTUG and thus Kscope.  He is also one hell of a nice guy.  He needs our help and you can provide it.  Isn’t that enough to cause you to cough up a few tickets?

Summing it up

So there you have it:  fun in the form of possible ritual humiliation of EPM ACE Directors, a chance to informally meet your peers, and an opportunity to aid Mike Riley.  All made possible by the fine folks at Secure-24.  

I’ll be there.  Will you?

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